It has to be you,
the first one to say,
the things on your mind,
that you love me to.
It has to be you to start a conversation,
I have tried with all my heart,
just to be kept in isolation.
I will stay here for eternity,
because I cannot do more,
so it will have to be you,
the first one to say,
life has been empty,
that something is missing.
It will have to be you,
to send a letter,
confirmation that you exist,
a short note,
one that makes things better,
one that does persist.
It will have to be you,
taking the higher road,
but image the relief,
when you are able to unload,
even if you keep it brief.
Simply put,
it will have to be you...
Friday, June 6, 2014
I long for the day...
I long for the day when you realize we were meant to be,
that regardless of space and time you are here with me,
I long for the day when our hearts are healed,
when both of our fates are eternally sealed.
I long for the day when you are in my arms,
where I can keep you safe from any harm,
I long for the day when our lips once again touch,
because I know you miss me that much.
I long for the day when you come to me and say,
the things once thought are a trillion miles away,
I long for nights of passion and desire,
along with the mornings after,
both of us embracing in a hot shower.
I long for so much because I know it is true,
the love and heart ache that we both have gone through,
I long for you to realize that true love is not sex,
nor time together or the universe as seen from the city,
it is the way we both feel given the possibility,
that our worlds have been altered by the other,
I long for you to finally see that there is no other!
My love is enduring and deep,
it is expressed in my writings,
in my art and in my actions.
Someday you will see the things I long for you to see,
though I know you must in your time, in your way,
with out my presence setting you free,
I long for this day while kneeling on one knee!
that regardless of space and time you are here with me,
I long for the day when our hearts are healed,
when both of our fates are eternally sealed.
I long for the day when you are in my arms,
where I can keep you safe from any harm,
I long for the day when our lips once again touch,
because I know you miss me that much.
I long for the day when you come to me and say,
the things once thought are a trillion miles away,
I long for nights of passion and desire,
along with the mornings after,
both of us embracing in a hot shower.
I long for so much because I know it is true,
the love and heart ache that we both have gone through,
I long for you to realize that true love is not sex,
nor time together or the universe as seen from the city,
it is the way we both feel given the possibility,
that our worlds have been altered by the other,
I long for you to finally see that there is no other!
My love is enduring and deep,
it is expressed in my writings,
in my art and in my actions.
Someday you will see the things I long for you to see,
though I know you must in your time, in your way,
with out my presence setting you free,
I long for this day while kneeling on one knee!
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
Just write me a letter
All you have to do is write me a letter,
it will make you feel better,
I know you have adventures to tell me about,
I know that things have not worked out.
All you have to do is write me a letter,
telling me how thing truly are,
I know that things and words have gone to far,
so take a step and feel better.
All you have to do is write me a letter,
and say the things you want,
write about how you miss our talks,
write about our long walks.
All you have to do is write me a letter,
and you know in your heart,
you will start to feel better,
a hand written note that professes to say,
all the things you think about in a single day.
All you have to do is write me a letter,
I will remind you we are more then most,
that our minds think alike,
much like that photograph of "God is a blue bike".
Below is my address,
you know what to say,
I can tell by your visits,
you have something to tell me,
so if you are brave enough,
all you have to do is write me a letter.
email will not do,
all I ask is a hand written note from you,
and because this should be easy,
language does not matter...
it will make you feel better,
I know you have adventures to tell me about,
I know that things have not worked out.
All you have to do is write me a letter,
telling me how thing truly are,
I know that things and words have gone to far,
so take a step and feel better.
All you have to do is write me a letter,
and say the things you want,
write about how you miss our talks,
write about our long walks.
All you have to do is write me a letter,
and you know in your heart,
you will start to feel better,
a hand written note that professes to say,
all the things you think about in a single day.
All you have to do is write me a letter,
I will remind you we are more then most,
that our minds think alike,
much like that photograph of "God is a blue bike".
Below is my address,
you know what to say,
I can tell by your visits,
you have something to tell me,
so if you are brave enough,
all you have to do is write me a letter.
email will not do,
all I ask is a hand written note from you,
and because this should be easy,
language does not matter...
Something I just discovered about me
My most creative years, the ones where I produced some of the most
creative art in my life was done so because I was uninfluenced by
others. I just created the things I saw in my mind, not realizing
they(the others) existed.
Then I got involved with one person, she entered my mind and everything since has been changed. It is now hard to see what used to be in my mind, because time is measured from the time before her to the time after her. Thus my creativity/mind is in turmoil, wandering through life without direction.
As an artist who has more creativity/confusion brewing in his mind, I think it might be time to give way to the creativity of self other then the creativity of others influence. In this the universes preplanned direction will unfold itself to me and I will then know the path to take.
This will undoubtedly lead me to more life without reality, but then life has been far from average, or even close to reality. There is so much more then what is seen at the surface. And it is this me, that I must now create from, this me that is wandering through life, all the while thinking that I am living in reality!
Because creating from the self will bring a far greater influence to this planet, this universe, then can be imagined~
Then I got involved with one person, she entered my mind and everything since has been changed. It is now hard to see what used to be in my mind, because time is measured from the time before her to the time after her. Thus my creativity/mind is in turmoil, wandering through life without direction.
As an artist who has more creativity/confusion brewing in his mind, I think it might be time to give way to the creativity of self other then the creativity of others influence. In this the universes preplanned direction will unfold itself to me and I will then know the path to take.
This will undoubtedly lead me to more life without reality, but then life has been far from average, or even close to reality. There is so much more then what is seen at the surface. And it is this me, that I must now create from, this me that is wandering through life, all the while thinking that I am living in reality!
Because creating from the self will bring a far greater influence to this planet, this universe, then can be imagined~
Sunday, April 6, 2014
The actions of others
I have seen people at their worst possible moments, people are dark,
complex and to be honest quite scary! When I say I have seen this I
mean to say I have been the head of security at three hotels near
Detroit Metro Airport, I have worked with the local police, the DEA, the
FBI and the Secret Service on various incidents and dignitary type
visits to the area. I have seen my share of death and how people react
to it, I have even seen how horrible people can be when mass death
occurs as I was one of the first responders to the crash of flight 255
at metro airport. I have seen first hand how despicable people can be
on large scales. A while after that I became a reserve police officer
for the city of Dearborn Heights, MI and again found out how stupid
people are in general. So when I say I have seen how the actions of
others affect people I truly do mean it!
That said the following story still baffles me to this day!
In 2010 I started dating a woman (my marriage all but over at this time) who lived in Europe. I guess I did not mind the distance because we saw each other on skype or spoke every day. In November of that year I finally got brave enough to go there and visit her. It was without a doubt the most fun I had ever had, the sex was great, the food was great and the scenery was fantastic. I took several thousand photographs that trip and still look back fondly at them. That trip was a week long action packed moment in time.
Several days after I had returned to the states, I received a panic phone call from her indicating that "someone" had created a fake Facebook account and had sent her then boyfriend who had just purposed to her in March of that very same year, her parents and herself an email. She had asked if I had seen it or gotten a copy of it, I had not and to my amazement within moments the fake Facebook person sent me a copy as well. Interesting I thought, and timely. The email essentially described the fact that I had made the trip as well as things that were done on that trip that only she and I knew. She accused me of telling everyone about the trip, telling everyone what we had done, that was confusing because I was not sure "who" everyone was considering I was not about to tell my wife or daughter and my time spent in my art studio I was alone 99.9 percent of the time!
I told her to calm down we would find out who did this somehow. I was able to extract and save the entire Facebook page set up by this person and quickly discovered that there was a great deal of data imbedded in it. I spent a few days pulling out what I could and then discovered what was a list of i.p. addresses. At the time I thought they were nothing more then the addresses for those visiting the page. I would soon find out the truth!
I purchased a piece of software the allowed me to enter the addresses and trace them. They were not as it turns out individual addresses, they were all linked together and lead me to the person who created the Facebook page. The results took only an hour to discover and because I had trouble lifting my jaw off the table at seeing the results I reran the trace several dozen times! The trace lead me back to her, right down to her computer name. Confused I wondered why exactly she would do this, why she would lie about it! I decided not to tell her, but to point her in a different direction so I could some how verify this potentially damaging information. So I concocted a lame story about someone else and every-time it was brought up I deflected it to: I need time, results need to be sure...blah, blah, blah.
When I say they were not i.p. addresses from individuals I mean they were of computers but the way the internet works when you visit a site you reach across many computers, the software I purchased traced a line from each i.p. address back to the only person who could have created the fake Facebook page. Now I needed to verify what I had found out. One of the things she would do was get ready for bed and fall asleep while I worked on my art while we were on Skype. It was one of those things I enjoyed about our time together. None the less during one of these Skype sessions I fired up the software I had purchased and ran a live trace. One of the things I had discovered about the internet was that if a computer could reuse a known pathway it would. The result of this trace was in fact nearly identical to the one above. The most damning part of it was the fact that both traces pointed directly to her phone/internet service provider all the way down to her computer name. They were identical on both traces!
Why would someone do this? Was the question that kept creeping into my head. Why would someone put her parents through such a thing let alone the man she claimed to want to marry, though the later was a bit sketchy considering she had been having affairs since he proposed just months before. Maybe it was a way to break it off from him, maybe it was a way to anger her parents enough so they would leave her alone. I really don't know, things got very crazy with both our lives in the months ahead and I would never talk about it, I never told her of the results I had found. I did talk to a few other very close friends looking for some sort of reality check but again life got in the way so it was never discussed with her.
The actions of others are as confusing as ever, they hurt, they cause doubt in this case they were designed to hurt others. She was one that used the word "hate" very often regardless if it was about a thing or person all the while claiming to be a "nice" person. I do think she is full of hate, but hate mostly for herself. That hate unfortunately gets misdirected onto others, her family, her friends, even her lovers. I am most frustrated with the fact that she never came clean about this, I gave her endless opportunity, she kept to her story like the perfect little liar.
After seeing her once more here in the states and then again in her home town our relationship had come to a close, we tried on a few occasions to speak but the anger between us was and is still much to great. My anger at having discovered who she really is will prevent me from ever communicating with her again. I enjoyed the good times we spent together but someone that devious would stop at nothing to hurt others. On a side note she did admit hacking into my email and Facebook that first week we spent together in Europe, oddly enough her reasoning was she did not trust me. Not a way to start a relationship with someone, then again maybe all she wanted was to use me to drive a wedge further between her parents, her boyfriend and herself. I don't know anymore as I question the reality of it all!
The actions of others cause pain and hurt, if she ever makes it back to my blog and reads this it will be the first time she discovers that I know/have known the truth of her actions, that I am embarrassed for her because of them, as I have been since the second I discovered it!
That said the following story still baffles me to this day!
In 2010 I started dating a woman (my marriage all but over at this time) who lived in Europe. I guess I did not mind the distance because we saw each other on skype or spoke every day. In November of that year I finally got brave enough to go there and visit her. It was without a doubt the most fun I had ever had, the sex was great, the food was great and the scenery was fantastic. I took several thousand photographs that trip and still look back fondly at them. That trip was a week long action packed moment in time.
Several days after I had returned to the states, I received a panic phone call from her indicating that "someone" had created a fake Facebook account and had sent her then boyfriend who had just purposed to her in March of that very same year, her parents and herself an email. She had asked if I had seen it or gotten a copy of it, I had not and to my amazement within moments the fake Facebook person sent me a copy as well. Interesting I thought, and timely. The email essentially described the fact that I had made the trip as well as things that were done on that trip that only she and I knew. She accused me of telling everyone about the trip, telling everyone what we had done, that was confusing because I was not sure "who" everyone was considering I was not about to tell my wife or daughter and my time spent in my art studio I was alone 99.9 percent of the time!
I told her to calm down we would find out who did this somehow. I was able to extract and save the entire Facebook page set up by this person and quickly discovered that there was a great deal of data imbedded in it. I spent a few days pulling out what I could and then discovered what was a list of i.p. addresses. At the time I thought they were nothing more then the addresses for those visiting the page. I would soon find out the truth!
I purchased a piece of software the allowed me to enter the addresses and trace them. They were not as it turns out individual addresses, they were all linked together and lead me to the person who created the Facebook page. The results took only an hour to discover and because I had trouble lifting my jaw off the table at seeing the results I reran the trace several dozen times! The trace lead me back to her, right down to her computer name. Confused I wondered why exactly she would do this, why she would lie about it! I decided not to tell her, but to point her in a different direction so I could some how verify this potentially damaging information. So I concocted a lame story about someone else and every-time it was brought up I deflected it to: I need time, results need to be sure...blah, blah, blah.
When I say they were not i.p. addresses from individuals I mean they were of computers but the way the internet works when you visit a site you reach across many computers, the software I purchased traced a line from each i.p. address back to the only person who could have created the fake Facebook page. Now I needed to verify what I had found out. One of the things she would do was get ready for bed and fall asleep while I worked on my art while we were on Skype. It was one of those things I enjoyed about our time together. None the less during one of these Skype sessions I fired up the software I had purchased and ran a live trace. One of the things I had discovered about the internet was that if a computer could reuse a known pathway it would. The result of this trace was in fact nearly identical to the one above. The most damning part of it was the fact that both traces pointed directly to her phone/internet service provider all the way down to her computer name. They were identical on both traces!
Why would someone do this? Was the question that kept creeping into my head. Why would someone put her parents through such a thing let alone the man she claimed to want to marry, though the later was a bit sketchy considering she had been having affairs since he proposed just months before. Maybe it was a way to break it off from him, maybe it was a way to anger her parents enough so they would leave her alone. I really don't know, things got very crazy with both our lives in the months ahead and I would never talk about it, I never told her of the results I had found. I did talk to a few other very close friends looking for some sort of reality check but again life got in the way so it was never discussed with her.
The actions of others are as confusing as ever, they hurt, they cause doubt in this case they were designed to hurt others. She was one that used the word "hate" very often regardless if it was about a thing or person all the while claiming to be a "nice" person. I do think she is full of hate, but hate mostly for herself. That hate unfortunately gets misdirected onto others, her family, her friends, even her lovers. I am most frustrated with the fact that she never came clean about this, I gave her endless opportunity, she kept to her story like the perfect little liar.
After seeing her once more here in the states and then again in her home town our relationship had come to a close, we tried on a few occasions to speak but the anger between us was and is still much to great. My anger at having discovered who she really is will prevent me from ever communicating with her again. I enjoyed the good times we spent together but someone that devious would stop at nothing to hurt others. On a side note she did admit hacking into my email and Facebook that first week we spent together in Europe, oddly enough her reasoning was she did not trust me. Not a way to start a relationship with someone, then again maybe all she wanted was to use me to drive a wedge further between her parents, her boyfriend and herself. I don't know anymore as I question the reality of it all!
The actions of others cause pain and hurt, if she ever makes it back to my blog and reads this it will be the first time she discovers that I know/have known the truth of her actions, that I am embarrassed for her because of them, as I have been since the second I discovered it!
Thursday, February 6, 2014
Creating a soul
No one lives for ever,
no one sees or looks beyond,
the things we think,
are never true,
but in you
I thought I was creating a soul.
My life has been full of strife,
my only gift back is producing life,
we see the things we want,
deny those that are not.
We try and create,
we live to masturbate,
you wont like these lines,
but in that I can relate.
We try and create the soul,
we want to be,
the life we hope we will live,
but in doing so the soul gets tired.
We love passionately,
despite what others want to see,
the soul I have created for you,
is the one I thought was for me to!
no one sees or looks beyond,
the things we think,
are never true,
but in you
I thought I was creating a soul.
My life has been full of strife,
my only gift back is producing life,
we see the things we want,
deny those that are not.
We try and create,
we live to masturbate,
you wont like these lines,
but in that I can relate.
We try and create the soul,
we want to be,
the life we hope we will live,
but in doing so the soul gets tired.
We love passionately,
despite what others want to see,
the soul I have created for you,
is the one I thought was for me to!
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Why lie?
Human beings are wonderful things, we have the capacity to create, love,
wonder at questions like "Why lie?" and statements like "Seriously that
pisses me off." despite all of the negative things that hurt us
throughout life. We are resilient, resistant, trusting despite lies,
caring despite being strangers... we are human and we are full of
wonder! We lie to protect our selves, to protect the ones we love, to
free ourselves from embarrassment, we lie because we are human! It is
never the right thing to do but we can't help it we are human, full of
wonder, full of lies~
My response to a friends posting on Facebook: "Why lie? Seriously that pisses me off."
And I have never met anyone who did not lie about something, ever!
My response to a friends posting on Facebook: "Why lie? Seriously that pisses me off."
And I have never met anyone who did not lie about something, ever!
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