The taste of you in the air

The taste of you in the air
brings me to my knees
we spend time making love
with beads of sweat
collecting in our hair.

The room fills with you and I
the taste of you in the air
we laugh and kiss
knowing we are a true love pair.

My sense grow as my fingers
stroke your body
feeling the goose bumps
rise and fall
releasing your scent
and the taste of you in the air.

What would a man do?

I had some time today to go through some of my old note books and found this writing...

I've been asking myself "What would a man do?"

What would a man do given an obsession that has lasted over a year?

The smell of her scent in the air so close, would he reach into her slender neck and breathe her in as if she were a drug?

Wanting to reach up and touch her... feel the softness of her skin under his finger tips.  An obsession lasting so long, so many paintings, solvents, dry chapped fingers does it's damage, would he be able to feel her?  Would she cringe at the touch of a finger such as these?

Would a man beg for the affections of such an obsession?

Would a man go to the lengths I have to feel her body in mine?

Her eyes have spoken volumes in paintings, now she comes here for a different purpose, she stands in front of him and her scent fills him as he slowly moves around her, getting close enough to feel the nape of her neck, what would a man do, breathe her in like a drug?

My last thoughts of you...

I hope that in my pain and discomfort you find some enjoyment.

That in the end you find someone who will abandon you as you have me,

I hope that who ever you are with or end up with,

Treats you the same way you have me,

With little or no regard, no compassion no love or thought,

I hope they lie to you as deeply as you have me,

Though I truly hope they discover who you are,

Who you really are before they to get hurt!

My last thoughts of you are not the good times,

Not one single loving time,

Not one smile, not one touch,

My last thoughts of you are hurt, anger and spite,

My last thoughts of you are hoping who ever you end up with,

Causes you as much pain, doubt and discomfort as you have me,

I hope they leave you crippled with sadness,

Depression and loneliness as you have me!

I hope you end up with someone as self centered,

Self absorbed and as selfish as you are,

I hope they tell you mountains of lies about,

Love, devotion, admiration,  and I hope you listen,

Then I hope they do the exact same thing to you as you did to me~

Though in my heart I am lying, I wish for you the best in life!

An embarrassing time

To my family, friends and professional acquaintances, recently, I had been told that I was trying to conn everyone in to thinking I am something other then who I am.  In an answer to that and to be sure this comes from me I am writing this to apologize to all those who love and supported me through this past year and a half.

While I cannot talk about some of the specifics I will be as open as I can about this:

In late 2009 after getting laid off from my former employer I was notified of an investigation pertaining to my use of my then company credit card, I immediately contacted the investigating authority the Oakland County Sheriff’s Department and provided them with any and all information I was asked, I went in for an interview and answered all questions asked of me.  In March of 2010 I was taken into custody (arrested) and spent 24 hours in the Oakland County Jail for the crime of embezzlement.   After a video arraignment I was released on a $50k personal bond and let out. 

The next day my ex-wife Suzann and I met with a criminal attorney who would spend the next year working toward some sort of “plea” with the prosecution.  During this time, going to trail was discussed in depth with my family, my lawyers and because of the expense of taking a case to trial (we were told it would cost close to $250,000) it was determined that the best course would be for me to plead “No Contest” I refused to plead guilty for this crime because while some of what was claimed was true there was a big difference in what was true and what was being clamed.

So just after the New Year I went in for my scheduled court appearance in circuit court and entered the plea of “No Contest”, while I never had to admit guilt entering this plea in the criminal justice system meant that I was guilty, and guilty of all claims.  In the eyes of the law a plea of No Contest is a guilty verdict with out ever admitting the guilt.  On April 14^th I along with Shelby (my daughter) went into the same courtroom for sentencing.  I was givin the chance to speak, to apologize to my daughter, the court and the victim.  My position was to ask the court for an at home confinement but it was not to be.  I was sentenced to 120 days in Oakland County Jail with 5 years of probation.  I was put in hand cuffs on the spot and the most haunting image was that of Shelby standing not knowing what to do with tears streaming down her face.

As helpless as a father could be!  I was taken and placed in the holding cells for 3 or 4 days before I was classified and then placed into what would be my permanent “Block”.  Because I have M.S. I was placed in one of the blocks used for medical quarantine.   I spent a total of 72 days in the Oakland County Jail, and intensely embarrassing time for my family and close friends who knew that this investigation was going on.  It will continue to be an intensely embarrassing time for my family for sometime to come.

As I write this I sit in my home with a tether strapped to my leg because after writing a letter to the judge I was released early from the jail to serve the remainder of my time at home.  There were serious medical issues concerning my M.S. that could not be dealt with inside.  I sit here writing this so that several things get accomplished, one I take full responsibility for what I did and if you look at me with the eyes of the law I am guilty, I do not accept the entirety of what is being claimed and as such a restitution hearing has been scheduled so that I can  hope to get this to a more realistic settlement.

There is no excuse for what I did, there will never be one, I’ve often said that every man has a breaking point, where given enough regardless of how strong that man appears to be on the outside he will break.  There often is no telling what a man will do when he does break; this letter is a result of what I did.

I am ashamed and embarrassed by my actions, I am extremely sorry for the embarrassment I have caused those close to me and I will go to my grave carrying that with me.  They say after restitution is paid off my probation will end and I can have this crime expunged from my record after 5 years.  Regardless when that takes place I will forever carry this with me!

I would like to thank Shelby and my ex-wife Suzann for there support and I am particularly proud Shelby for having to go through the most drastic learning curves an 18 year old daughter should have to go through.  I would also like to thank the rest of my family and friends who stood by me in this.  I am sorry for the embarrassment and letting you all down.

We are men

We are men trapped in a world of hopelessness,
looking forward to better days,
Seeking the truth of who we are,
finding our way through the haze.

We are men trapped with in walls,
we are men trapped within ourselves,
looking for answers to the questions,
of hate and anger,
looking for the questions to love and desire.

We are men,
prisoners in our own sorrow and pain,
guardians of others truths and fears,
we are men going insane,
with the tears of loved ones,
on days of sunshine and rain.

But we are men!

I will miss...

The little things,
the way you called me dork,
the look in your eyes after a red wine,
the way you slept,
the way you looked after waking up,

I will miss the little things,
like beets for dinner,
or wondering if you are a saint or a sinner.

I will miss the little things,
panic phone calls,
stolen cameras,
or a buss ride to unknown places.

I will miss the little things,
that carried us through,
times of pain,
times of self doubt,
times of panic,
times of resolve.

I will miss the little things~

I love you

I love you because you are young,
because you fill me with inspiration,
because you are beautiful.

I love you because you are the future,
of everything,
the world,
humans,
everything!

I love you because it is the right thing,
it is the only thing to do.

I love you because when I need you,
you are there,
you never left,
nor did I.

I love you because you are you!

Other then hope,
love is really all we have,
so I love you and I know you love me too.

We have been dancing like this for some time,
but in reality we both know,
the other is never far,
from our hearts or our minds,
because as I love you,
you love me too!


It is who we are,
a fit,
a match,
our minds,
bodies,
and hearts,
we feel the other,
thousands of miles a part,
or standing in front of each other,
I know it's true,
because I love you!