Another piece in process...

I have been enjoying making these 3D pieces.  This was started about a years ago when I noticed the pattern you see painted here on my front door in the winter when it would frost over.  I thought it looked like something out of a horror movie so I thought, lets see where it goes...

A couple current projects...

Above is a blade I am working on for my daughter as a graduation gift.  She is big into the Renaissance festival thing and after earning her Bachelors in Art History I want to make something cool.  My friends at 333 Midland cut the rough shape out of a steel blank.  I will spend the winter finishing it. 

Below is a fiberglass piece I am making for another 3d canvas called "Something wicked this way comes".  Updates to follow.

The saddest day

To learn that someone you've loved more intensely then anyone else is not who you thought, to experience anothers soul then discover there really was not much there,  to discover that despite all the indications of love, devotion it was empty! 

Today is the saddest day, I've discovered that the person whom I wanted, expected to share a life with was a lie, a fake, wanted nothing but to look out for herself.  I've never required much, never asked for much, gave 100% of my time to her despite the stresses of losing a house, getting divorced, dealing with several close calls with death, I was always there, always on call for her, she could depend on me regardless, no matter what...

I've needed very little from her until recently and have never felt so abandoned in my life, my ex-wife the person whom stated she has hated me for the past 30 years stood by me more intently only eclipsed by my daughter whom I am eternally proud of and love, but to have someone who openly hates me be there even more then a person who stated she loved me more then any/everything... there is something sobering in discovering this.

It is the saddest day because I've discovered that the woman I loved, put on the highest pedestal had nothing in her heart but herself, it is the saddest day because she can't see it, she is so blind to her own self importance that she can't see she has made the ultimate liar out of herself, it's the saddest day because in her words her "conscious is clear", it is the saddest day because without a thought in her head she will go off and do this again to the next guy who pays her that extra bit of attention, while I still have her on a pedestal and hating myself for it!

It is a sad day!

An embarrassing time

To my family, friends and professional acquaintances, recently, I had been told that I was trying to conn everyone in to thinking I am something other then who I am.  In an answer to that and to be sure this comes from me I am writing this to apologize to all those who love and supported me through this past year and a half.

While I cannot talk about some of the specifics I will be as open as I can about this:

In late 2009 after getting laid off from my former employer I was notified of an investigation pertaining to my use of my then company credit card, I immediately contacted the investigating authority the Oakland County Sheriff’s Department and provided them with any and all information I was asked, I went in for an interview and answered all questions asked of me.  In March of 2010 I was taken into custody (arrested) and spent 24 hours in the Oakland County Jail for the crime of embezzlement.   After a video arraignment I was released on a $50k personal bond and let out. 

The next day my ex-wife Suzann and I met with a criminal attorney who would spend the next year working toward some sort of “plea” with the prosecution.  During this time, going to trail was discussed in depth with my family, my lawyers and because of the expense of taking a case to trial (we were told it would cost close to $250,000) it was determined that the best course would be for me to plead “No Contest” I refused to plead guilty for this crime because while some of what was claimed was true there was a big difference in what was true and what was being clamed.

So just after the New Year I went in for my scheduled court appearance in circuit court and entered the plea of “No Contest”, while I never had to admit guilt entering this plea in the criminal justice system meant that I was guilty, and guilty of all claims.  In the eyes of the law a plea of No Contest is a guilty verdict with out ever admitting the guilt.  On April 14^th I along with Shelby (my daughter) went into the same courtroom for sentencing.  I was givin the chance to speak, to apologize to my daughter, the court and the victim.  My position was to ask the court for an at home confinement but it was not to be.  I was sentenced to 120 days in Oakland County Jail with 5 years of probation.  I was put in hand cuffs on the spot and the most haunting image was that of Shelby standing not knowing what to do with tears streaming down her face.

As helpless as a father could be!  I was taken and placed in the holding cells for 3 or 4 days before I was classified and then placed into what would be my permanent “Block”.  Because I have M.S. I was placed in one of the blocks used for medical quarantine.   I spent a total of 72 days in the Oakland County Jail, and intensely embarrassing time for my family and close friends who knew that this investigation was going on.  It will continue to be an intensely embarrassing time for my family for sometime to come.

As I write this I sit in my home with a tether strapped to my leg because after writing a letter to the judge I was released early from the jail to serve the remainder of my time at home.  There were serious medical issues concerning my M.S. that could not be dealt with inside.  I sit here writing this so that several things get accomplished, one I take full responsibility for what I did and if you look at me with the eyes of the law I am guilty, I do not accept the entirety of what is being claimed and as such a restitution hearing has been scheduled so that I can  hope to get this to a more realistic settlement.

There is no excuse for what I did, there will never be one, I’ve often said that every man has a breaking point, where given enough regardless of how strong that man appears to be on the outside he will break.  There often is no telling what a man will do when he does break; this letter is a result of what I did.

I am ashamed and embarrassed by my actions, I am extremely sorry for the embarrassment I have caused those close to me and I will go to my grave carrying that with me.  They say after restitution is paid off my probation will end and I can have this crime expunged from my record after 5 years.  Regardless when that takes place I will forever carry this with me!

I would like to thank Shelby and my ex-wife Suzann for there support and I am particularly proud Shelby for having to go through the most drastic learning curves an 18 year old daughter should have to go through.  I would also like to thank the rest of my family and friends who stood by me in this.  I am sorry for the embarrassment and letting you all down.

Her scent, her beat it was as if she had never left my studio!

Hours spent on one drawing, time lost to the visions I could no longer ignore.

I had all but forgot I had a wife, a daughter…

I had a life that no longer seemed to matter to me.

All that mattered was that I continued to draw theses images, continued to search for Ginger in my mind and now in reality.  The 11 drawings posted here, the images from that single photo session, they are proof that she existed, proof that she can be found again, must be found again.

Her scent so strong in my studio as I work on one canvas over another… as if it were saying to me which one I should be working on, moving me to the canvas of her choice on a given day.

Then in a moment of splendid madness her scent was so strong I could taste her in the air, she was in the room with me, looking up from the position I had been drawing in I was no longer in my studio but in a candle lit room with a single window, a rose resting on the window sill, Ginger standing gazing down at the rose with er back to me, seemingly wanting to speak to me not know how to start.

I could not take my eyes off of her!  She stood motionless in perfect stillness the candle light shimmering off her bare back, the lines of her small but muscular figure well defined in the dim light.  I could see a small crack on the wall just to her right.  A small trail of water had leaked through; this place that I was in was old, very old!

Her eyes motioned to my drawing pad; I had nearly forgotten that I was holding it, Ginger standing in front of me, the dim light shimmering of her bare back, the black full length skirt she had on seemed to blend in with the floor until the candle light disturbed the perfect statue like pose that she held.

Drawing frantically, as if this moment would end in an instant breathing deep breaths so I could inhale her scent, it was like a drug, it was strong and very pleasing, I could taste her in the air and after spending a moment on a tiny detail I looked up and saw nothing but the dimly lit wall of my studio… she was gone, the window was gone, the rose was sitting on the floor in front of me.  Her scent in the air, her beat playing in the background and then I heard something,

something I had not heard in a while…

Dad, dad are you alright?

The white room

This was written during a very long stretch of very intense migraines, the photographic series below was critically claimed when they were first published back in 2008/9.  I lost all of the originals during a data back up crash and am left with these ver low resolution images.

I’ve created this place inside of my head
It’s the place I go to worship the dead
The white room is a safe comfortable bed
A place full of gloom and dread.

My white room does exist
The images and desires in my head persist
The white room is a real place
In the white room you can be without saving grace.

The white room is where your fears come true
It is also the place where others see the real you
Being in the white room can rip you apart
Or others seeing you in there will break hearts.

So as you look at the white room in my head
You should choose any other color maybe blue or red
The way you see me in my white room open and real
Will give you a very small glimpse of how life makes me feel…

Sunday Worship in the White Room

Everlasting atonement in the White Room

No peeking in the White Room

Sex in the White Room

Love and jealousy in the White Room

Grim realities in the White Room

The White Room takes you in

Alone in The White Room

Working on the white room series:

Photo credits for these two: Shelby Denton